I cried the other night.
It was 11:45 pm and I stood in my closet, my shirt over my head, partially off, and I cried.
I couldn't move.
It hurt too much.
I had been out with friends and hadn't taken my pain pill and therefore, I couldn't move.
Pain, from the tips of my fingers to my shoulders. Daggers of pain shooting through my arms.
And I cried!
I have been dealing with this pain for sometime now. It started right after Taz was born. The bottom of my feet hurt so bad, I could barely walk. When I got pregnant with Cynjyn, the pain went away. I was in heaven. Then, she was born and it returned. I actually wanted to get pregnant again just so the pain would disappear for 9 months. But I dealt with it. I prayed and I became addicted to Ibuprophen and I endured. Finally, about three years ago, I went to a Dr. and was officially diagnosed with Psoriatic Arthritis. It is a different type of arthritis in that in moves from joint to joint, place to place within the body. For the past few years, it has been mostly in my arms, fingers, wrist, elbows and shoulders. It is painful. My treatment was to be put on methotrexate which in a chemotherapy drug that slows down the progression of cells (mainly the psoriasis). I take 8 pills once a week. I also have a pain pill I can take once every 12 hours. When I was first put on this, it worked well and cleared up my psoriasis pretty well. I only took the pain pill once a day, in the evening and life was o.k. Lately, however, the pain has increased, the psoriasis is getting worse and the joints are very swollen. I now take a pain pill in the morning and in the evening and it only takes some of the pain away. I am still in constant pain and some days are better than others. I went back to the Dr. for my 6 month checkup and he agreed that clearly what I have been doing is no longer effective. So now he wants me to start a new treatment plan. Humira. Yes, you've no doubt seen commercials for it on TV. I will have to give myself a shot every two weeks and I am hoping it is a miracle drug and that it will start to control the arthritis better and I will soon be pain free. Maybe I'm too opptomistic, but I am really hoping!! I am also hoping that I experience non of the side affects and that it will truly help me.
I want the pain gone.
I don't want to cry anymore!