It was 11:45 pm and I stood in my closet, my shirt over my head, partially off, and I cried.
I couldn't move.
It hurt too much.
I had been out with friends and hadn't taken my pain pill and therefore, I couldn't move.
Pain, from the tips of my fingers to my shoulders. Daggers of pain shooting through my arms.
And I cried!
I have been dealing with this pain for sometime now. It started right after Taz was born. The bottom of my feet hurt so bad, I could barely walk. When I got pregnant with Cynjyn, the pain went away. I was in heaven. Then, she was born and it returned. I actually wanted to get pregnant again just so the pain would disappear for 9 months. But I dealt with it. I prayed and I became addicted to Ibuprophen and I endured. Finally, about three years ago, I went to a Dr. and was officially diagnosed with Psoriatic Arthritis. It is a different type of arthritis in that in moves from joint to joint, place to place within the body. For the past few years, it has been mostly in my arms, fingers, wrist, elbows and shoulders. It is painful. My treatment was to be put on methotrexate which in a chemotherapy drug that slows down the progression of cells (mainly the psoriasis). I take 8 pills once a week. I also have a pain pill I can take once every 12 hours. When I was first put on this, it worked well and cleared up my psoriasis pretty well. I only took the pain pill once a day, in the evening and life was o.k. Lately, however, the pain has increased, the psoriasis is getting worse and the joints are very swollen. I now take a pain pill in the morning and in the evening and it only takes some of the pain away. I am still in constant pain and some days are better than others. I went back to the Dr. for my 6 month checkup and he agreed that clearly what I have been doing is no longer effective. So now he wants me to start a new treatment plan. Humira. Yes, you've no doubt seen commercials for it on TV. I will have to give myself a shot every two weeks and I am hoping it is a miracle drug and that it will start to control the arthritis better and I will soon be pain free. Maybe I'm too opptomistic, but I am really hoping!! I am also hoping that I experience non of the side affects and that it will truly help me.
I want the pain gone.
I don't want to cry anymore!
7 comments:
Oh my goodness! I had no idea. You are an amazing woman! You've never shown that you were in pain when I've seen you, and you're still out doing all those fun things with your family! I hope that it will work, and you won't have to feel any more pain!
We'll pray that it works! I had thought you were getting better so I'm sorry to hear it is getting worse. :(
The first seven words that came to my mind, Lindsay said! Really. Wow, there's so much we don't know about others. With all you do, I had no idea. I really hope this nes Rx will help.
You've said you had some arthritis pain, but I'd say you understated that! I hope the new meds work, no side-effects, and you can stop crying. :O(
Oh, Kim--I am so sorry, and I so understand how it is to be in constant pain! I hope you find relief! You are in my prayers!
Pain can suck the life out of you. I will pray that the new meds will help. You are too young to not be able to live the life that you want. Take Care! Love Aunt Deb
I love you Kim and you are an incredible person!! I am so sorry you have to endure this! You are in my thoughts and prayers!
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